Monthly Archives: June 2015

June 4, 2015: Jeremy’s Passing

D-J-02a - Version 2Dear Friends and Loved Ones,

It is with the deepest sadness that I share that Jeremy passed on two days ago, the night of June 1st.

As you know, Jeremy had been hospitalized last March with uncontrolled bone pain. He was hospitalized for over two weeks with a great team of doctors working hard to get his pain under control. When we returned home, he had another terrible pain crisis, and we made the decision to have a pain pump installed so that he could receive intravenous pain medication, along with at-home nursing care to better manage the pain. The pain pump helped relieve his pain, but he continued to suffer from bad pain and nausea.

Over the last several weeks, his condition gradually deteriorated. He lost over 40 lbs, ate increasingly smaller portions of food, became very weak, and struggled to get around the house. Then about two weeks ago, I noticed a significant decline in his health – he virtually stopped eating (except for ice cream, which he always loved), slept most of the day, and did not have the energy to speak with his friends, even on the phone. A week ago last Monday (May 25), he worsened even more significantly. At that point, it became clear to me – and the nursing staff – that he was beginning the active dying process.

Chris Trani, who had been the Training Coordinator for The Seven Levels of Healing program for many years – and over the course of their work, became a dear friend of Jeremy’s, and later also a dear friend of mine, flew out from Portland, OR, early on Tuesday, May 26 to come help us. A day later, Jeremy’s wonderful sister, Amara, flew in from Meadville, PA. Together, we spent the next few days caring for Jeremy, walking him through the dying process, and holding sacred vigil for his transition. It was an extraordinary – and also very difficult – week. There were some very sweet moments and also some really hard ones.

My focus as his partner and caregiver was to do everything I could to create a safe, gentle, peaceful, and sacred container for his passing. It was the sweetest gift I’ve ever given or received. Chris and Amara were instrumental in helping me to create this space for Jeremy.

On his last day, it became clear that Jeremy was very close to passing. He had become unresponsive and his breathing changed and quickened. Finally, at 10:25 pm, he passed very peacefully with me, Amara, and Chris together with him. There was a beautiful energy in the room, and it felt to me like he had transitioned from one group of loving hands to another.

I know that one of Jeremy’s great sadnesses over the last couple of months has been his inability to write another blog post. He really wanted to be in touch, but just couldn’t given his worsening condition. I am sorry that he did not have this opportunity – not only to update you, but to hear back from you, which has meant so much to him over these last months.

As his sweetheart, I feel I can say on his behalf: Jeremy loved (and loves) you all so much, and was (and is) so grateful for your being in his life. Thank you from both of us for all of your great love, encouragement, and kindness through these years of profound pain and suffering.

I fully trust that Jeremy is now surrounded by love, and residing in a peaceful place free from the suffering he endured in this life. At the same time, I am grieving deeply and in a very inward place right now as I try to wrap my heart around not having Jeremy physically with me. I only know to take my life moment-by-moment, and allow myself to feel whatever arises.

I send my love and prayers to you all as you move through your own waves, pools, and rivers of emotion.

Please know that we will be organizing a memorial service later in June. I will be sending out an email with details within a few days. It would be wonderful to have you there to celebrate Jeremy’s life, if you can make it.

With much tender love,

Kristina

Jeremy and Kristina in Maui 1:2014