Dec 1, 2014: Focused Action and Intention … Wrapped in the Arms of Surrender

A number of years ago I gave a talk at a cancer conference in Washington, DC on a topic that has been a major focus of my life and work in oncology for many years.  The talk was on the model of whole-person cancer care — called The Seven Levels of Healing — that I first discovered and developed in 1993 and have been working with ever since This approach to multidimensional care is and has been very near and dear to my heart.  It articulates and demonstrates how it is possible to truly honor and care for every dimension of human beings, with clarity and precision — at the deepest levels of the body, mind, heart, and spirit — within the context of mainstream cancer care.  In a future blog, I will write more about The Seven Levels of Healing, particularly in light of my own personal cancer journey over the last several years.

At the end of the lecture on that particular day, I was interviewed by a journalist who asked me if I could summarize everything I had learned about The Seven Levels of Healing — and about healing in general … in a single sentence.  I had never been asked this before, and was stumped.  I asked her for a day to think it over and get back to her with an answer, and she agreed.

I went back to my hotel room and sat in meditation. I was deeply intrigued and inspired by her question, and was eager for an answer.

After some time in deep silence, the answer came in a flash of insight that has served me, and many others, ever since.

Now that I have been dealing directly with cancer as a patient myself, I increasingly recognize the deep truth and relevance of what I discovered that evening.

What I saw and understood in that moment of insight is this:

“The Essence of Healing is Found in Focused Action and Intention … Wrapped in the Arms of Surrender.”

This epiphany immediately rang so true to me, and it has guided much of life and work ever since.

As I have mentioned, one of my goals with this blog is to share and explore what I have learned about so many of the great paradoxes of life and healing.   The epiphany from that night so many years ago illustrates what I believe is one of the fundamental paradoxes of life and healing — and reveals what I regard as a profound and important truth about the essence of healing.

The paradox is that, in each moment in life, we must choose between knowing when to take action in our lives … when to focus our efforts and intentions to change the circumstances we find ourselves in … and when to accept what is happening and surrender to the truth of the moment, the truth of what is — knowing that, at least for now, we must simply surrender and let go.

This is especially true, and is so poignantly revealed, when dealing with a life-threatening illness like cancer.

When confronted with cancer, there is a deeply visceral, human instinct to do everything possible to heal, to “fix the problem,” and try to get well.  This includes searching for the drug, the doctor, the healer, the herb, the diet, the therapy, the protocol, the clinic that can save us.   We search and search, and are often willing to endure even the most extreme sacrifices — including an almost limitless array of tests, scans, surgeries, procedures, drugs, chemotherapy, radiation, and myriad types of alternative healing modalities — to find a way to live.  We are often inundated by friends and colleagues with countless suggestions of things to “do,” therapies to try, places to go, and opinions about what is best.

This instinct towards seemingly endless action in the effort to heal is completely understandable.  I have certainly felt it deeply in my own experience with cancer — not to mention in my experience with so many patients I’ve cared for over so many years, and what I’ve seen my own family members and friends go through in their own cancer journeys as well.

But there are problems and limitations with this kind of single-minded, action-oriented approach.

The first problem, of course is that — at the end of the day — there is absolutely no guarantee whatsoever that any particular therapy or healing modality of any kind will work.  They certainly may, but there are no guarantees.  Even more distressing is that — especially with serious, advanced cancers — many, if not most, of the therapies will ultimately not work, or be curative, let alone be truly healing at the deepest levels.  Unfortunately, our level of skill and understanding of cancer is just not there yet.  And, if a particular approach does “work,” or seem to work, we often soon encounter new problems, or experience a variety of side effects, toxicities, or a new and different set of issues to deal with. This is a hallmark of the relative, ever-changing nature of medicine … and human existence itself.

A second problem with this kind of approach — which is especially implicit in the conventional medical model of treating disease, and especially cancer — is that being in a constant state of searching, and making efforts and trying to do everything possible to “find the answer,” can not only be exhausting, but counterproductive.

In my experience, it is impossible to truly heal when constantly in stress — let alone being “at war” with whatever is going on in your body, or your life.

I have found that it is most helpful and productive to make every effort possible to heal and get well — even fighting really hard — while wrapping your efforts, in every moment, and to the fullest degree possible, in the arms of surrender.  I believe this balance is where the deepest essence of healing is truly found.

By “surrender,” I do not mean being passive, or hopeless, or accepting defeat.

I am talking about a deeper recognition of the futility of making constant effort to exert one’s will in the world of outer affairs, or on the inner realities of what is happening with the body.  I am referring to making room, deep in one’s heart, soul, and being, for what is simply true and present in the moment, and accepting it — as fully as possible.  I am also talking about making room deep inside to honor the great Mystery that ultimately lies behind who gets well, who doesn’t, who lives, who dies … and when.  Embracing this Mystery, as fully and consciously as possible — even in the midst of a tectonic cancer battle — transforms the whole experience.  It adds a vital and precious quality of humility to the entire process.  It helps dissolve the illusion of separation, and the illusion of control.  It can also open otherwise hidden, inner doorways to supreme grace, unexpected blessings — and perhaps even profound physical as well as mental, emotional, and spiritual healing — that might otherwise be missed.

It seems to me that a deep path of mastery in life, and the healing path as well, is to be quiet enough on the inside to be able to listen for and hear the whispers of one’s deepest inner wisdom.  This quiet inner wisdom, when truly honored and respected, may in one moment quite clearly speak to you and say, “focus now, get clear on your deepest intention, and take action.”  And yet, in the very next moment this very same inner wisdom may say, “surrender now, let go, rest, trust that you are being guided, and let go.”  It is also a calling to try to make your choices and decisions based on love, rather than fear.

The way forward is to become quiet enough on the inside to be able to hear, and distinguish, between these two imperatives that lie within us all … and which can move and change from moment to moment.

There is a profound experience of freedom and opening that comes when our actions and intentions are fully wrapped, in every moment, in the arms of surrender.  This opening can lead to some of the greatest gifts imaginable.  But we have to be willing to listen, to surrender, and to let go — as well as focus our intentions and take action.

I am going through this exact process and inquiry right now in my own journey, perhaps more directly than ever before.  I have just completed a seventh round of difficult stereotactic radiation treatments … after having already undergone so many scans, tests, different regimens of chemotherapy, consultations, and deep exploration of many other healing modalities — none of which offer any guarantees or assurances at all.  Right now, I am waiting to resume treatment with more chemotherapy, hopefully in about week.  In the meantime, I have absolutely no idea what will happen as a result of the next round of treatments, let alone from all the efforts I have already made to get this far.  I have no idea how I, or my body, or my cancer, will respond, or what lies ahead.  While preparing once again to “take action,” I must continue to surrender to the unknown.

I am not saying that I have mastered this moment-to-moment acceptance of what is, or surrendered fully to the great Mystery of life, death, and the unknown twists and turns that lie ahead.  It has been very hard at times for me to let go of the human longing for certainty, control, and the impulse to keep making efforts and moving forward.  At times, I’ve struggled with incredibly deep feelings of sadness, loss, and fear, even though — despite what conventional medical statistics may suggest — the fire of life, the desire to heal and live, and the belief that it is, indeed, possible, remain strong in my heart.

Regardless, though, this profound insight of wrapping my actions and intentions in the arms of surrender is the truth to which I aspire in my life.  It guides my journey as I continue to face and deal with the difficult choices and challenges I continue to encounter as the path unfolds.

Thank you for your willingness to share this journey with me, especially on this blog, since it is so hard to stay connected in person right now.  Thank you also, once again, for your love, prayers, and heartfelt good wishes; and for your presence in my life.  They are a great gift to me!

21 thoughts on “Dec 1, 2014: Focused Action and Intention … Wrapped in the Arms of Surrender

  1. Judith Ansara

    Bless you Jeremy – what a beautiful teaching you have shared with all of us. That you have walked with so many of us — me included–and now are given this intense journey to walk yourself, gives a depth and beautifully textured frame on those simple yet often impenetrable truths we must all come to know. Thank you for walking your path with such commitment and vulnerability. And thank you for sharing it with us.
    Love and big hug.
    Judith

    Reply
  2. Matagiri

    Dear Kabir/ Jeremy,
    Your writing could help a lot of people, especially this last one. It would be easy to publish a trimmed-down version in elephant journal. It’s very easy to do, and it’s an easy way to reach at least a thousand readers, possibly many more. I’m sure Kristina could edit it beautifully if she has time, but I’m also available, and would be honored to offer you this small gift. I’m putting my email address below in case you want to follow up.
    Love,
    Sw. Matagiri
    matagiriperkins@gmail.com

    Reply
  3. Diane Abbey Nunn

    It is early morning here on the mountain, a morning wrapped in the sounds of gentle rain. I just read your blog and have wrapped it in prayers and what I hope will be a comfort as you traverse this day. Yes, surrender —- not something we humans do easily but must. From my memory bank I have often pulled to the forefront the quote, “having done all, stand”, not remembering the identity of the wise person who first gave birth to the thought, but grateful for it.
    Into the day we travel now and I pray for your ease, additional healing, and my hope that you feel all the love traveling to you.
    Diane

    Reply
  4. Diana Tripp

    Kabir, this is absolutely beautiful. I feel honored to be able to share this journey with you. You are offering ALL of us a profound formula for healing….. and for inner peace and surrender. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love,
    Diana

    Reply
  5. Nazak

    Thank you my dear brother for sharing this deep and profoundly beautiful insight.

    Life is a balance of holding on and letting go!

    Holding you tightly in my heart.
    Nazak

    Reply
  6. Uma Simon

    If you desire to edit your piece and wish someone else to assist you, I hope you will accept Mata Giri’s offer; besides being an extraordinary author, she is a great editor, if that’s what you wish. Your piece was so seminal and deserves to be displayed in other works. It was so real and so touching. Thank you, Kabir, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! Love, Uma

    Reply
  7. Kathryn

    Dear Jeremy,
    Once again you have touch my very heart and soul. You are truly a gift from God to me and I think to all who who know and love you. You are so awesome in your strength courage and unselfish love. The love that you give of your self in this very difficult journey at this time in your life is the kind of love God calls us to show one another. You are such a blessing to all the lives you touch and have touched in your life. I so love you my friend and continue to hold you in the light of Our Creator daily.
    Many blessings, hugs and much love,
    Kathryn

    Reply
  8. Steve

    A really beautiful post and concept. Thank you for sharing that. I think it helps me make sense of the the paths some close to me have been on.

    Reply
  9. Peggy Wrenn

    Beloved Jeremy, your arms of surrender all around you, so many arms holding you virtually. All the medical treatments, surgeries, scans and endless “unknowns” — you have described this in a way that others can understand. This is an amazing gift. Sending love, arms of surrenderand holding for your amazing light of intention and focused action. Love, love, love Peggy

    Reply
  10. Jeanne Holmes-Buttner

    Jeremy,
    I’ve read this and will certainly read it again. The Mysteries that you write about are difficult and profound. I do know that age itself does not make us wise (if it did, I would be most wise). Neither does it make us more accepting of our current mortality, nor more able to surrender to the next stage of our life journey.

    So what is it that grants understanding, acceptance, and surrender? I appreciate how you’ve worded it: “It seems to me that a deep path of mastery in life, and the healing path as well, is to be quiet enough on the inside to be able to listen for and hear the whispers of one’s deepest inner wisdom”.

    God grant that we may all search without fear for those whispers.

    Much love Jeremy.
    Jeanne

    Reply
  11. Tracey

    Deep peace to you and Kristina on this most amazing journey you two are traveling together.
    I remember your words of so long ago saying ” Focused Action and Intention … Wrapped in the Arms of Surrender is the Essence of Healing.” Charles and I traversed cancer, two organ transplants and 3 near death experiences over the past several years and those words and thoughts often carried me through. In my experience the breath of life between the two is where miracles happen. Sending much love and many miracles to you both.
    Tracey

    Reply
  12. kashi frank

    Thank you, Kabir — your writing makes it obvious why you’re named “Kabir” ….
    You are, as always, in my heart and prayers.

    Much love, Kashi

    Reply
  13. Jan Adrian

    Jeremy,
    I have heard you say that before and I love it. This is such a meaningful post for cancer patients. I really appreciate your sharing your patient experience in the context of what you have learned as an integrative oncologist. I would like your permission to share this post with the Healing Journeys email list. Is that OK with you? Hoping you feel the comfort that I feel when I hear the phrase, “wrapped in the arms”.

    Reply
  14. Mirabai

    This is beautifully written and powerfully realized, Kabir. I wish that everyone navigating their own journey through illness and healing could read these words. I will save this message to share, and re-read it myself many times. Warm hug

    Reply
  15. Jim Behler

    Jeremy,

    Your perspective of wrapping ones intentions and actions in the arms of surrender is very eloquent.

    But more than that, it describes the very essence of maturity and peace.

    We are certainly called to use the gifts we have been given— to be intentional and moved to action when required— but I am convinced any sense that we are “in control” is a fallacy.
    The maturity comes in knowing the difference.

    Jesus says in the Gospel of John5:18 , that “the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing…” (He was referring to himself as the Son) .
    or Luke 22:42: “Father, … not my will, but yours be done.”
    When we are willing to surrender our own will, peace flows in!
    What we have to go through to finally come to that place of surrender, however, is always painful!

    Reply
  16. Rhonda Akin

    Oh, Kabir-ji,

    You are truly embodying Jung’s archetype of the Hero. Making your own spiraling journey through the initiations of cancer, you long ago left the ordinary world and entered the path out of your great love, first as the son of a father with cancer, then as a Physician-Mentor to others on the path, and now as one who has crossed the threshold into that initiation world of tests and tribulations, plunged into the inmost cave of most profound ordeals from where you send the world wisdom messages distilled from your experiences. As you confront each challenge “with focused intention and action,” may you experience in your surrendered, wordless knowing that you are held in the hearts’ arms of we who love you.

    Rhonda

    Reply
  17. Robin Temple

    Ah yes, thank your for so eloquently bringing these two poles of our human journey together. We are wrapping you and Kristina in the arms of Love.

    Reply
  18. Pat Blair Pierce

    Jeremy-
    Thank you for the beautiful & helpful insights. As an RN, I have often ruminated about the conflicting goals of fighting & giving up gracefully.
    For myself, as I research & find consults, I always have the attitude that “life is a crap shoot” & that our illusions of control are just that, illusions. And yet, I leave not a stone unturned in my search for knowledge, with the caveat that it may not make a whit of difference..
    You put it so well & with a loveliness that I have never done. Thank you. Pat

    Reply
  19. sue crow

    I send you my spirit to sing a song for you one of stillness, quietness and love i had lymphoma 4 years ago
    and I am so grateful you are writing about your experience- it will help us all
    I am now the pt advocate for LSU med schools cancer center,
    Is it possible to use some of your writing from youe Dec1 blog for the newletter I put out for our pts receiving chemo? I know it will help hem as much s it did me
    Thank you so much
    life and death is a process returning us to the mystery

    Reply

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